We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
