I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
