Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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