I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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