I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Green mimosas i think yes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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