Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
