just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
