If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
