come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
