so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
