Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
