i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
