omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
