: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
