Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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