i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize