i think my mom watched the whole time
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Rumble strips road head = magical
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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