Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i dont even know how to be here
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
