Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
