Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
