Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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