Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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