I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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