I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize