I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
