When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize