Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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