The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
