a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hippo gnu deer
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Text me some of your sweat
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