I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
