I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
