"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
