Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize