Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
