So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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