how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
