did you get engaged???
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
