I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
