fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
