So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize