I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
