i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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