Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
