I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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