the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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