A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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