He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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