I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
