So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
