What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
