My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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