Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
