Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
