i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
