Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was confusing and full of hummus
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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