I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
