Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
