I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
