Apparently you make a good broom.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
