I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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