dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
