If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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