I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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