i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize