Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
