I think scott just propositioned me for sex
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize