take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
