I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize