Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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