just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
